Allodoxaphobia is running your life and how to stop it.
I was reluctant to post on LinkedIn when I first started my business.
I didn't post for a long time for fear of what my former network and coworkers would think about my career transition.
I thought that because I wasn’t recruiting for a company anymore I had no business being there.
I only started going Live on LinkedIn two weeks ago (btw, I had to apply to get access!) and my inner voice was like, what would you even talk about on LinkedIn Live?
EVEN THOUGH I WENT LIVE ON INSTAGRAM FOR 100 DAYS sharing meditations, training and strategies that I was really proud of that brought me (and my followers) immense joy.
This past weekend, I learned a perfect word: allodoxaphobia; the fear of other people's opinions.
And it all made sense to me. I was afraid of what other people would think of my career shift so I wasn’t showing up as fully as I could.
And, I can tell you, it’s not just me, allodoxaphobia is also one of the most common obstacles my clients tackle in their work and life.
They are worried about what someone will think if they quit their job or if they take a 15-minute walk alone.
Their boss.
Their nanny.
Their manager.
Their co-worker.
Their partner.
Their child.
Their hairstylist.
Their dentist.
And on, and on...
You get the picture.
The truth is when we start letting other people’s opinions control our lives, we are now making decisions based on what our mind thinks might happen.
Our fear of their opinion is actually a perception of what we think they’ll think.
It’s based on what may or may not have happened in the past.
That’s how our mind keeps us safe, by using past information (whether it happened or not) to make decisions now.
You see, when we tell our manager that we are quitting, they will have an opinion. And then they have to figure it out.
And when you have to tell your hairstylist that you’re moving on to another hairstylist, that’s ok, too. They’ll find another client.
If you tell your co-worker that you need time in the afternoon to ride on your peloton, that’s ok, too. They’ll adjust.
Most of the time, these people we’re “protecting” by not doing things we want to do because of the fear of their opinion…when they NEVER EVEN HAVE THAT OPINION ABOUT US.
It’s an opinion that your mind made up to keep you from making a change.
Change is hella scary for our minds. And to keep us from doing things it uses all its tricks to stop us.
LIke saying, what will your boss think if you quit? And you’ve been seeing your dentist since you were a kid, why change it now?
After working with many clients who’ve suffered from allodoxaphobia, every single one of them, in hindsight, says something like:
I wish I hadn’t put so much emphasis on what they might have thought; it would have gotten me closer to what I want and saved me from a lot of anxiety.
And that’s exactly what I want for you today.
Whose opinion comes to mind while you’re reading this and what do you know you need to do now?
The only thing you need to do is notice. There’s nothing to change or fix about you.
Just notice who is running the show. Just noticing is a HUGE win.
Is it you or is it your fear of others’ opinions?
Send me a message and fill me in. And if it feels too big to get through alone, we can always set up a call to see if working together feels right.
Until next time, my love,
—Nic
PS. IF YOU ARE PART OF THE GREAT RESIGNATION... 🛑 STOP 🛑
Right now is a perfect time to start looking for new work because the end of the year push for recruiters is real.
HOWEVER before you go ahead and jump into making a resume, I need you to get clear on what you ACTUALLY want.
This means taking a pause aka STOP before jumping in.
If you take the time to pause, you'll get clearer on your dream roles and what you actually like doing.
When you do this first it makes it easy peasy to write your resume, talk about your accomplishments confidently, and negotiate for exactly what you want.
In fact, one of my clients just got a job and negotiated a 64% increase in her income because she took the time to excavate and pause.
